Man's Best Friend

Dogs are amazing pets. They’re fiercely loyal and they love you unconditionally. I mean truly unconditionally. All you have to do is not kill them and they never stop loving you. I guess you occasionally have to feed them and take them on walks and such and clean up their waste and such. But that’s a small price to pay for loyalty, love and companionship.

Euthanizing an old dog is really hard to do. They’ve been a part of your life for years. We had to put down one of our dogs this weekend and it’s like losing a member of the family.

Here’s hoping that doggy heaven exists and is full of leftover pizza, other delicious table food, squirrels to chase and things to play with. If you’re drinking anytime soon, raise a glass to Magic, one hell of a dog.

NY,NY

Awkward Steps

Here’s the situation:

You arrive at a bank of elevators and see that a door is waiting open for you, so you walk towards it - turns out, though, that there are people in the elevator already.

Just as you walk pass through the threshold, the doors are closing. Except instead of closing, you’re in the way and the doors bounce back open. The people have obviously been waiting on the elevator long enough for the doors to close and start their long-waited ascent, and you’ve ruined it. To make matters worse, you reset the door clock and even more people come strolling into the elevator all smiley and happy because they were fortunate enough to not have to wait for an elevator today.

Now the original elevator folks start to glare more and more angrily at you while you can do nothing more than stand there sheepishly, silently apologizing that you didn’t know the doors would be closing as you walked through.

You ruined their elevator ride. And they’re glaring at you. If you’re fortunate enough, like I am, to have mirrored elevator doors, there’s nowhere to hide.

AWKWARD.

NY,NY

Two Minutes to Save the World?

Walking to the train today I passed two pairs of Green Peace volunteers on the street trying to get random folks to spare a few minutes to save the planet.

The pairs were located not two blocks away, only separated by the time it took me to round a corner. Basically, they saw the same foot traffic - some walking to the train, some walking away.

The first group was two youngish guys … but nobody was talking to them - people just brushed right past them.

The second (or first, depending on your walking direction) pair was two cute girls. BIG surprise here: they had all kinds of guys talking to them. Same message, same delivery, same Green Peace tee shirts and clipboards.

Are we men really just that weak? Will we really use any excuse to talk to a cute girl on the street? Or would the situation be reversed in Chelsea? What if the two male volunteers wore expensive custom suits? OOO I know! Have them leaning against a shiny new sports car, oozing wealth. Would women be talking to them?

Or you know what? Maybe people just don’t have two minutes to save the world. Sorry, Green Peace, people are too busy trying to keep food on the table.

NY,NY

Public (un)Safety Announcement

I heard an MTA announcement today on the subway that said, “Keep your money in your sights at all times.” That’s verbatim, people.

And, I guess the real message here would be something along these lines:

“Know where your money is at all times” or

“Be cognizant of your wallet’s location at all times” or

“Occasionally discreetly check for your wallet” or

“Don’t let people steal your shit” or

“If you check for your wallet, people will likely target you as a tourist, thus rendering this whole wallet-checking exercise pretty useless.”

Certainly the writer of this PSA should have realized that if my money is always in MY sights, it’s most definitely also in the sights of the very thieves i’m trying to protect it from? You’d think with all the out of work white collar folks milling about New York, the MTA could hire someone with writing ability to keep the public safe via announcements. But hey, cuts happen everywhere.

And besides, we can pick out tourists without them anxiously checking their fanny packs every few minutes.

www.nonsensicalsensibility.tumblr.com

Things That Could Have Been Avoided

For years now I’ve been telling my friends and family someday I’m going to have a guard lion or tiger or bear that will be sweet and domesticated for me, but deadly to unwanted intruders.

I realized, though, that having a pet bear to roll around and wrestle with was a silly pipe dream that would never really happen - largely because the bear would kill me.

It’s the same reason my mom wouldn’t let me get a pet boa constrictor when I was a kid. “The snake doesn’t know you’re not food,” she would say. And, sure, she was right. The snake (when fully grown) would likely view sleeping-me as just another helpless victim, crush me, and ingest me whole, as giant boas are wont to do.

A pet bear would also likely see me as something to attack, no matter how much I loved it and let it roam free throughout my house. The pet bear would probably be even more likely to attack me if I kept it stuck in a cage.

This woman, rest her soul, seemed not to think through the potential repercussions of actually having a pet bear. Or lion. Or tiger. Read about it here.

SERIOUSLY?! Killed by pet bear? No kidding. Here’s how this could have been avoided: DON’T GET A BEAR FOR A PET.

NY,NY

Oh, Hold On. Let Me Try My OTHER Phone

Today I saw a man at the pharmacy walk up to the register to check out. He was texting/typing on his blackberry, wearing a blue tooth headset, and proudly displaying a second cell phone on a holster clip on his belt. Normally, this blatant overuse of cellular devices would just be a bit annoying and might cause me to scoff or laugh at this person.

BUT

This cell phone maniac then proceeded to purchase a bunch of candy … WITH FOOD STAMPS!!

Really, guy?! You have a blackberry, a cell phone, a blue tooth AND you want to pay with food stamps?! Get the hell out of here. I had no idea food stamps could pay a cell phone bill. Give me a freaking break. If you’re going to cheat the system like that, at least put some effort into it.